After six years of dating and living together, I married my husband. Almost immediately our situation changed dramatically. He went from being very charming and attentive to controlling, manipulative, jealous and domineering. Although what happened between us never escalated into physical violence, in retrospect it was clearly an abusive relationship. He used verbal abuse, isolation from my family and friends and poorly concealed threats to control my behavior. He began destroying my possessions and throwing away things of value to me. When I would try to leave a nonproductive argument, he would physically block my path.

Even though I am a physician and frequently counsel patients in similar circumstances, I did not recognize that I was experiencing domestic violence. The turning point for me was when his pregnant mistress came to my house to “discuss things.” Within two days I had seen an attorney and within eight months we were divorced. At that point, we had been married for 15 years and had two children.

Because my husband, his mistress and I all work at Kaiser Permanente, the affair quickly became public knowledge. My entire department and many other staff members knew about my situation. I had the support of all of my co-workers who had any knowledge of the situation. I kept working the whole time and because of my emotional upset, I deliberately became more vigilant in the work place. I knew my clinical effectiveness could be affected so I asked my chief and my medical assistant to keep an eye on me, which was a tremendous help.

It’s been four years since the divorce. I recently started dating again and currently have a very supportive partner.

51 year old
Italian, Northern European female
Kaiser Permanente
Administration Physician