My story includes an ambulance ride to a military
hospital after a brutal beating, one of many administered by my
husband (now an “ex”) who was enlisted in the U.S. Army.
While this was happening, I continued to be productive at work.
I’d go to work no matter what but I began to separate myself
from my co-workers so I wouldn’t have to explain the bruises
or explain why I couldn’t participate in weekend social events
because of the limitations placed on me by my spouse. I didn’t
like having to defend him or his actions. My husband had always
made threats that he would kill me if I told anyone. This, coupled
with the shame I felt because I’d failed to take care of myself,
made me reticent to tell anyone about what was going on. I knew
there was a way out but I just couldn’t find it.
Something most people don’t realize is that the more severe
the situation, the more difficult it is to get out. It’s not
as simple as “why don’t you leave if it’s that
bad?” There were times when my husband pointed his shotgun
at our kerosene heater, telling me to do as he said or he would
take us both out. It gets very confusing – would he really
want to die to punish me? You have to answer these unfathomable
questions when you live in this type of situation.
Thank goodness for the military social worker that helped me become
strong enough to save my own life. While I was hospitalized, the
social worker approached me and asked if I needed to schedule some
sessions to talk about what had happened. I only felt safe enough
to say yes because the military police had locked up my husband.
I’m very angry that he essentially got off scot-free. He
almost killed me but his family doesn’t know and his employer
doesn’t know. I’m at a point now where I can talk about
what happened to me and encourage others to get out of similar situations.
I realize I’m not the failure I labeled myself at the time.
I’m an advocate now. I even produced and hosted a two-hour
community access television special entitled, “There’s
No Excuse,” to talk about domestic violence. While I don’t
enjoy telling this story, I feel very strongly about letting folks
know that violence is not limited to certain lifestyles –
even some of America’s heroes severely beat their loved ones,
as my husband did just before leaving for the ‘90 gulf war.
50 year old
Caucasian female
Kaiser Permanente
Department Secretary
Union Vice President
