When I got married eight years ago, I had two children
from a previous relationship. Initially, the abuse started with
the children while I was at work. At points, the children felt their
lives were being threatened.
He didn’t begin abusing me until I was seven months pregnant
with his child and I found out about another woman. He attacked
and choked me. The physical abuse, once it started, was about twice
a month. The mental abuse was daily. If we didn’t do what
he said, he would not buy the family food. I’d have to get
food outside the home. When we’d ask for something he’d
say, “What have you done for me lately. I make the money.”
When I began working he’d steal my checks and cash them without
telling me.
At one point, my daughter said something he didn’t like and
he pulled her arms behind her and smashed her face into the wall.
She had to bite him to get free. Last fall, when he and I were in
the bedroom, he put a gun on the nightstand and told me, “I
won’t allow you to leave me, I’ll kill you first.”
If not for being distracted by the children, I thought he would
have killed us both then.
It was an effort to be at work while all this was happening. Once
I decided to get help, that was my turning point. I went to EAP,
which helped me identify what I was going through and gave me resources
to move forward. EAP helped me realize it wasn’t all in my
mind.
My site manager also helped with resources and let me have modified
shifts when I needed to go to court. A security officer at work
prepared me to obtain a restraining order, to know what to do in
court and checked in to see how I was doing.
I’ve filed for divorce and feel 90 percent better. My husband
and I share custody of our school-age child and it’s really
difficult. When the police served the restraining order, my husband
told our child that “Mommy made the police come to take me
away.” My son cried for weeks. It’s very traumatic for
him because he loves us both so much. I’m arranging for him
to go into counseling because it’s clear the divorce is hard
on him. I’m still seeing a counselor as well, which allows
me to see each day as a positive.
35 year old
African American female
Kaiser Permanente
Regional Employee
