I was married to my husband for 18 years. He always drank but about seven years ago he went from a few beers to a bottle of Vodka a day. Once he started drinking heavily, his behavior deteriorated. He would yell at me for hours a night, saying the drinking was my fault. If I left the room, he would follow me.

His harassment turned into stalking. If I took my daughter to a hotel, he would find out where we were staying, come after us and beat on the door. If I walked to work, he would try to run me over with his car.

There were days when I couldn’t go to work. I had no sleep but was expected to maintain my sanity. I worried about things getting worse or losing my job. Thank goodness I had a co-worker and a boss who had experienced similar situations and were supportive. I went through counseling with my husband and by myself. Eventually, I found EAP and the healing process began.

Then one day my 16-year-old daughter had enough and physically went after her dad. I realized then that this madness had to stop. As long as I made the choice to deal with him, my children would have to live in the world he created. I divorced him not because I didn’t love him but because I made a choice to be free of his madness.

Now I know I can do it on my own, but it isn’t easy. When I first divorced him, he moved right across the street, even though I had a restraining order. I persuaded him to move but he has returned again. I have to maintain constant vigilance whenever I leave the house.

There are people like my parents who I hadn’t wanted to know how out of control my life had become but they are now a great source of support. Today, I’m very happy and in control. I have a great relationship with our kids. Someday I hope he’ll become sober and find his way back to a relationship with our kids and grandkids. But he’ll never have a relationship with me again. That is a choice I’ve made!

39 year old
Caucasian, American Indian female
Kaiser Permanente Supervisor