I had a wonderful relationship with my husband until
our 16th year of marriage. We had two teenage sons together, had
formed a multi-million dollar corporation and everything was going
great – until he started drinking. He became paranoid and
mentally unstable. He would pace around our bedroom waving a gun
and threatening to kill me. He’d break things to show me that
he was needed to fix things. He was a true control freak in every
imaginable way.
This went on for four years. It really affected my sons emotionally.
They were angry with me for not standing up to their father and
kicking him out. One day my husband physically attacked me. The
back of my head was swollen two times its size from the injuries.
My son took me out of the house and I left my husband that night.
I was raised with great self-esteem and knew that once he touched
me, it would become a pattern. It was almost a relief when it happened
and I left him because I could actually go to bed without being
threatened every night. It was easy to decide to leave him, but
it was devastating to let the marriage go.
While all this was happening, I never told anyone. It was too embarrassing;
I had too much shame. This kind of thing wasn’t supposed to
happen to people in upper income brackets. I worried how things
would look and what my friends would think of me.
The divorce took five years. I never got a settlement because it
would have taken even longer if I kept fighting. He used the kids
against me, threatening to withdraw financial support for college.
I had to go back to school and get a job. At one point, I was working
two jobs and going to school. It was difficult because I’d
never worked before. I was in my late 40’s at the time.
I ended up going to Al Anon and that really helped me to be a stronger
person. I realized that it was too late for him to get better and
salvage our relationship. He is still abusing to this day; he hits
the girl who is with him now.
I have a sense of pride that I survived and started over. I had
to give up outward appearances and realize that this can happen
to anyone, no matter who you are, and that with determination you
can end up living happily ever after. I’m proof of that!
60 year old
Caucasian female
Kaiser Permanente
Administration Employee
