In
the town of Bath, Maine, a small private school is redefining how we
teach children; in the process, a renewed vision of education is being
created. The Hyde School requires a commitment not just from students
but also from families. This is a school committed to the personal growth
and character development of children and their families. At a time
when society cries out for "character education" in schools
but is unable to define what character means, the Hyde system calls
upon families to make a commitment to pursue excellence. At a time when
families are in crisis, the Hyde system offers a lesson in being a family--a
process that involves developing integrity, family values, and character.
Having
practiced and developed this system for the Hyde School, the Gaulds
have turned it into the Biggest Job workshops, a national parenting
program out of which springs this book. The Biggest Job We'll Ever
Have focuses on parents--a child's first and foremost teachers--and
on families. The book is neither a quick fix nor a popular solution
to the challenges families face. The Gaulds' experience has taught them
three things about commitment to excellence: "It is hard; it is
doable; it is never too late." The authors firmly believe that
character is more important than innate ability, and their "Ten
Priorities" support and build upon that belief.
The
hollow statements that were said to us as children--and we, in turn,
say to our own children--are debunked: "You're a bright kid; you
just need to apply yourself." "We don't care about your grades
as long as you try." "You can do anything you want if you
just work hard enough." "We don't care what you do as long
as you're happy." The Gaulds point out that these statements are
freely used but are rarely supported by action. Children are aware that
even though we tell them to "just do your best," grades reflect
the product of work, not effort. This principle allows children for
whom accomplishment comes easily to get good grades without being challenged
and without taking risks, whereas children for whom work is difficult
become discouraged. The Gaulds also refute what they call the "Cult
of Self-Esteem," the mindset that children must feel good about
themselves all the time. The Gaulds declare that self-esteem is something
to be worked at, something to be earned; it requires enduring difficulties
and overcoming obstacles. The result is tangible and solid--not like
the hollow compliments of those who believe that self-esteem can be
bestowed.
"The
underlying premise of the Ten Priorities is that every individual has
a unique potential that defines his or her destiny."1:p47
Through a series of exercises and journal questions, this book guides
the reader through the Hyde system of developing these Ten Priorities
to apply to daily life. These priorities are a framework to guide parents
in making daily choices.
The
Ten Priorities seem obvious when read. For example, "Attitude over
Aptitude" encourages kids to follow their dreams and is accompanied
by two examples of successful musicians--Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles--whose
dreams might not have materialized had aptitude alone guided their lives:
"... Aptitude Culture can cause the dream to get smothered by the
disability,"1:p125 but incorporating these dreams into
day-to-day life requires effort and hard work. This book offers tools
with which to undertake that work.
Although
this book is written as a guide for parents who want to help their children
and to improve their families, the book is a perfect guide for all of
us to do the hard work of building our own character and becoming proactive
in our own lives. We no longer need to blame our parents for where we
are: we can take responsibility for our own lives.
The
Gaulds offer two quotes for consideration: "When we do the right
thing, we raise ourselves in our own eyes" (Eugene Delacroix)1:p289
and "Our chief want in life is someone who will make us do what
we can" (Ralph Waldo Emerson).1:p289 Asking our children
to give their best effort is nothing short of what we must ask of ourselves.
For me, as a parent of a teenaged boy, this book is encouraging reinforcement
of the belief that if I am honest and do the work, I can build my own
and my son's character. These principles can guide not only my own life
but that of my child.
Reference
-
Gauld L, Gauld M. The biggest job we'll ever have: the Hyde School
program for character-based education and parenting. New
York: Scribner; 2002.
T
L Max McMillen is Assistant Editor and writer for The Permanente
Journal.
